Something is very wrong with me

Last night, Forrest Whitaker and I were in an old house that had been converted into an usually tall apartment building being pursued by a group of small, yet surprisingly aggressive, spiders. They chased us through the bowels of the building and up several flights of stairs before we realized that A) Forrest Whitaker is a slow stair runner and B) that they were only after my mug of green tea. I sacrificed the steamy contents of my mug, but we had run so far UP the building that we knew we would never get to the kitchen in time again to make them more tea and save ourselves. As they began their pursuit again, I tossed them some of my sweet and sour cucumber salad that I was also carrying and after the blue scorpion gave it a little nibble, they took enough pause to eat it that we had time to get all the way to the attic. In the end, it was the closet full of old journals and Tostino's Party Pizzas that saved us all. No one can resist a Tostino's Party Pizza.